04152021

Hindi ko maintindihan yung sarili ko. Parang unti-unti akong nalulunod sa kawalan. Hindi ako makapagfocus sa ginagawa ko. Parang yung isip ko may binubuong sariling mundo. Madalas na akong matulala. Madalas na ako mawalan ng gana sa mga ginagawa ko. Hindi ko na alam.

Pakiramdam ko malapit na ko makulong sa ilusyong binubuo ng isip ko.

Tulungan mo ko. Tulungan nyo ko. 

RNDM 03042021

Hindi na ako masyadong active magkwento ng buhay ko ngayon. Masyado na ba akong busy?

Just random thoughts kaya ako magsusulat ngayon. 

Nasa point na ko ng buhay ko na gusto ko na magseryoso, gusto ko na ng sarili kong family kahit na alam kong hindi ko pa kaya bumuhay ng sarili kong pamilya. Ni wala akong ipon or kahit anong magandang achievement sa buhay.

Siguro nalulugkot lang din ako talaga mag-isa or masyado lang akong insecure. Paano kung hindi ako magkababy? Paano kung mahirapan ako? Baka iwan ako magisa ng asawa ko.

Sa totoo lang natatakot ako mag-isa. Andito ako at nasa malayo ang mahal ko. Ayokong isipin na darating yung araw na mawawala sya sakin. Yung isang araw sasabihin nya na hindi na nya ako mahal at may iba na sya.

Ang weird nga minsan ng panaginip ko. Nagawa ko daw na puntahan sya. Nakakuha daw ako ng trabaho doon without telling him kasi gusto ko syang isurprise. Hinanap ko yung workplace nya. Ako pala yung masusurprise dahil may kasama syang iba at magkakababy na sila. Sa sobrang weird ng dream na yun hindi ako makapagfocus. Naulit pa iyon ng ilang beses. Hanggang nagka-insomia ako at nadepress. I know na bad dream lang iyon and it will never happen.

Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na mahal na mahal ko sya. Wala na akong ibang gugustuhin makasama maliban sa kanya. Baliw na ba ako? Siguro nga baliw na ako. Pero ayun nga feeling ko isang heart break lang bibigay na ako.

Rndm

4 Days! I have fuckn problem with my sleep. I am so tired. My mind and body is so tired. I need a comfort. I need a hug. I need motivation before lose my mind. My body is getting weak each day. I don't know when will I fall.

I always found myself gasping so hard to breath. I want to rest. I want to run away.

Random 3/14/2021

Its been a while since the last time I wrote something in this page of mine. I really hope everything is going well as well as my mind.

I am kinda feel tired of something I always do everyday and wanting to have a good rest and scape for a while. I want to run somewhere. I want to relax my mind, body and soul. 

I need hug and comfort from a person who I wanted to be with. I know, I can't be so demanding. I can't be so clingy. I can't act like a baby. But I am too emotional and sensitive. I need it badly.

I just want to have his time. Just a few hours. Why he can't? Does it mean I am not important?

Loving you for since day 1 (02122021)

 Hi Loveeey! Magdadrama muna ako ng konti, okay lang ba?

Who would ever thought na nagkakilala tayo dahil sa isang post mo sa isang fb group way back January 25, 2015? Always tanong sakin san tayo nagkakilala, kung schoolmate ba kita, classmate or friend. Sagot ko HINDI.

Pareho tayo ng nilalaro noon, "Audition Dance Battle PH" ngayon Audition Next Level na sya 😂. Naalala mo naghahanap ka ng shop na mapaglalaruan noon? tapos sinabi ko kung san ako naglalaro tapos kinabukasan nameet kita sa shop. Pagkatapos nag7/11 tayo. 😂😂😂 Nakailang couple at split ata tayo kasi abnormal ka. Away bati tayo noon, well buti nalang ngayon nabawasan na. 🙄🙄 Yung malala ata yung "When the flowers bloom" inisplit kita sa audi tapos hindi na tayo nagusap nga mga ilang buwan. Basta nagkaraon tayo ng matinding kaabnormalan sa buhay. Hindi tayo nagkaintindihan aa mga bagay bagay.

2016, nagusap tayo ulit. Papansin ka din kasi. Hahaha. Tapos nanood tayong Deadpool nung Feb.12, 2016 kaso natulog ka naman. Pero ang totoong date kung kelan ba tayo nagkatanungan kung ano ba ay "toooot" pero we to make it February 12, 2016. Basta yun na yun. (May ibang nagbabasa yaan mo na sila mag-isip kung bakit. At kung kelan yun)


Today, I just want to tell you Thank you so much Happy 5th Anniversary! I love you so much. Thank you for your love and care. I miss you so much. See you so soon.


I want to sing this song for you. Not just because it always reminds me how we get started.


"Cause your love is so sweet, you are my everything
I'm not just saying this because I'm happy
I will never change, I won't change
I'll only have eyes for you

You're light of my life, you're the one in my life
Even if I lose everything,
I will never regret it, and keep loving you
With the everlasting love in my heart"

RANDOM 06242020

I tried to close my eyes to make some sleep

Darkness surrounds me but my head starts to creating images
I am afraid and I am in pain
Why I am hurting my self in this dream?
I make a step until I found my self running with my bare feet.
Where I am? What is this place?
Then I hear a shot from a gun and I know it was near me
I hear a man calling my name, so I shouted where I am
I am excited thinking it was my help to get out
Then he came after me pointing a gun laughing at the top of his lungs
He wanted to kill me! He wants my head!
My legs are shaking and I was frozen
I have to get out as fast as I can but I cant move any inches
I remember this is not real! I have to wake up! I have to open my eyes!
Wait? Am I really dreaming? Is this only a nightmare?
I am not sure.
A man comes near me and point his gun on my head and shot me dead.
My heart aches as I open my eyes, it was nightmare.

Entry 3/12/2019

Happy Monthsary. Happy nga ba? Yeah pag gising ko masaya naman ako. 

I want to be with you at this time. ano naman yung lumabas ka na jan sa inyo, pero di mo magawang maglakad palabas. Babae pa din naman ako at lumabas ako ng maaga sa bahay. hindi ka ba nag-aalala sakin? 

Siguro nga insecure talaga ako sa ibang babae, na everytime they need their lover to be with them, right away anjan sila. Mahal andito ka na pero parang ang layo pa din ng distance natin. Every plans are epic. Never got a chance to happen. I understand it, but I am sad. So sad that my heart keeps bumping so loud and hands are shaking as my whole body tend to off my balance. 

I really wish you to be mine so please go here now. I need a hug. I feel so alone. I feel incomplete. Please don't let me to feel this. Don't let my sadness eats me. I don't want. 

I love you so muh you know that. I am missing you so much. Yung pagkamiss ko sayo sobra, that I can even cry everytime na makikita kita kasi masaya ako na nasa tabi kita. 

At syempre natatakot din ako kasi hindi ka naman magtatagal sa tabi ko. I want us to enjoy our time together. Kung kaya naman natin magkaroon ng time together why can we just have it right now. Every seconds are important. Wag tayong magsayang ng oras mahal ko, kunymg kaya naman natin na magkita at magkasama tayo gawin natin. At the end of the day girlfriend mo ko at umaasa ako na makakasama kita kasi kaya ka nga umuwi diba? Maliban nalang kung hindi naman talaga ako kasama sa plano ng pag-uwi mo. Let me feel what deserve, kasi need mo bumawi sakin. 

Ayoko lang isipin na pagdating sakin mah second thoughts ka lagi. Mahal di ko deserve yun, I never want to be that. Ikaw ba gusto mo magdalawang isip pa ako kung dapat ba kitang puntahan? Paano kung kailangan mo ko? Pag-iisipan ko pa ba? Lagi mong isipin yung mararamdamn ko sa mga actions mo kasi we are in relationship. You have to consider me. You have to think of me.

Kagaya nyan, bigla ka na naman nawala. Hindi ka na naman sumasagot. Ano ba naman to. naghihintay ako ng reply diba? Sa totoo lang naiirita na ako. Pero ano magagawa ko I never been in the first place and I know I can't be. The thought of being hopeless and stupid is now bombarding may head. Can you feel it? Can you feel my anger? Can you feel that I am not happy sitting alone for more than hour? Well, almost 2hours! Yeah you never know that it will happen, but you know me when it comes to time. What your said is it. ciao